"The Wicked Witch has lost her fight. Dorothy was her Kryptonite!"
Witty, Twist Ending Children's Theater Scripts and Community Theater Plays
Extremely Affordable plus many Free Scripts
Tech Notes ~ Music on ThumbDrives or CDs ~ Video Clips ~ Custom Playwriting_~ & Free Help from the Playwright!
Is your theater struggling to pay the BILL$?
Jeannette Jaquish's Rambunctious, Twist Ending, Low Cost or FREE Children's Plays and Community Theater Scripts will DAZZLE your audiences.
~ I will answer your questions, explain staging and set changes, and re-write sections and add or subtract characters to make a script work with your stage and cast. ~
<--Contact Playwright J. Jaquish . . . . . 1-Click email . . . . . ORDER a SCRIPT! . . . . . Request a Perusal Script!
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[Christmas and Holidays] ~ * ~ [Fairy Tale] ~ * ~ [FREE SCRIPTS!]
[Cast Size / Length / Actor's Age]
[Science & Educational] ~ * ~ [Mystery] ~ * ~ [Halloween or Spooky]
[Short Plays and Skits] ~ * ~ [Theater Camp] ~ * ~ [Easy Plays for Little Kids]
[FREE Monologues for Contests] ~ * ~ [FREE Talking Frogs Scene Books]~*~ Translations & BiLingual Scripts
ZOOM Theater Scripts

NEW MUSICAL! 2 versions: Complex and Simple!
The Wizard of Oz ~ musical theater script
"And I won't be dumb and dumber, After writing every number, If I only had a brain!"
From the classic by L. Frank Baum, comes a delightful musical stageplay by Jeannette Jaquish
<-- Click for Excerpts, Tech, Photos, Music & Info!
COST: Complex: 1st performance: $50; Additional: $20 each; or $120 for a year.
Simplified: 1st performance: $40; Additional: $15 each or $100 for a year.
3-CD Music Set or Thumb Drive(Act 1, Act 2, Rehearsal): $45
CAST: 20 to 39+
TECH: Medium-Difficult
LENGTH: 120 to 130 minutes.
This play is a $$Money-Maker! Of all my scripts, this one brings in the largest audience. It is BETTER than the MGM movie ver$ion. Lots more lines and spotlight scenes for Munchkins, Monkeys, Winkies and Emerald Citizens.
ORDER a script! ~ * ~ "Video Clips"


Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
"She doesn't chop off anyone's head! It's the rest of you who do it for her!" -- Alice's rallying cry to the Queen's subjects
<-- Click on tea party for excerpts!
Classic story theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
ACTORS: 23 to 40 all ages.
LENGTH: 2 hours but never boring.
TECH: Complex. Falling down the Rabbit Hole & Hallway of Doors and Pool of Tears involve some manipulation.
POSTER ART by Zephyr Jaquish --->
COST: 1st performance: $30; Additional: $15 each; $90 for a year of unlimited performances. MUSIC FILES: $23
"I recently ordered Alice in Wonderland from you and I would like to say it's fantastic and going great. As this was the first thing I have ever directed, I was surprised by how easy the script made it for me. I'm glad to hear that I can film it."
--- Abi Harris, performance March 2011, Trinity Theatre, Cowes, Isle of Wight, England ~ * ~ Click to read the glowing theater review in the Isle of Wight County Press!
Photos of Adams College in Colorado's production.
~ * ~
Alice grows until her head, arms and legs stick out
the chimney and windows of the White Rabbit's House in this photo
from the Firehouse Theater in Fort Wayne, Indiana. -->

"I stink, therefore I am" -- Duchess
"Either you, or your head, must be off!" -- Queen
"The beach is here. Wish you were lovely." -- Mad Hatter's post card
~ * ~
This is the best stage adaptation of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland that you are going to find.
Main stage scenes alternate with shorter scenes in front of the closed curtain to allow set changes behind curtain.
Ingenious low tech special effects allow Alice to grow and shrink.
Alice is played by three actresses: small, medium and tall (we used age 7, 11 & 16 for example) with a size-changing experience between each. At a performance directed by the author, a young child in the audience upon seeing all three Alices onstage for the first time during bows, was overheard saying, "Look, Mom, there's three of them!"
Each actor can play multiple parts, except the Alices and the White Rabbit, making your cast size flexible.
Click for EXCERPTS!


The Damsel Game ~ short fairy tale twist ending parody
<--Click for Excerpts!

by Jeannette Jaquish
A NEW VERY EASY all ages script-parody of "The Dating Game" from the 1970's. --ZOOM version available!
~ * ~
Prince Charming tosses questions to Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel to pick his Dream Date . . . . Nightmare!
Larger cast version includes Sleeping Beauty, TV Director and 1 or 2 TV show Hosts.Image by Mauricio Eiji Yamashita
COST: 1st performance: $20; -- additional performances: $3 each; or 1 year: $32.
LENGTH: 15 to 22 minutes. A short version is available.
CAST: 5 to 8 (up to 4 girls, 1 boy, 3 either): 1 or 2 Show Hosts, Prince Charming, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel plus optional: Sleeping Beauty and TV Director.
TECH: 4 or 5 chairs, "Damsel Game" sign-included w/script, partition, ordinary objects for props, princess dresses, long wig. Larger cast: headphones, clipboard, bucket.
EXCERPT: HOST: This capable girl can set the table and cook up a meal for 7 hungry mouths plus herself! She has known a lot of very short men and would love to date a fellow she can look up to. You know her name, she is . . . . . Snow White! Have a seat, Snow White! Our Damsel Number One!


Harry Potter and the Obnoxious Voice - The ssssPOOF! ~ theater script with optional songs
--- "Dobby will pour red ants in his ears for punishment!"
a parody of the Harry Potter book series by J.K. Rowling and the movies based on her books
adapted into a mystery spoof theater script by J.R. Jaquish
<--Click for EXCERPTS, PHOTOS and TECH!
COST: 1st performance: $30; addtl: $15 each; or 1 year: $90.
CAST: 9 to 26 actors
LENGTHS: 32 min./ 45 min./ 65 min. / 75 min / 100 min. / 120 min.
POSTER ART by Zephyr Jaquish
TECH: Medium-simple. Mostly ordinary objects. Tech notes, poster art, prop list,etc.
Watch Video Clips! ~*~ Order Me!
"I printed out the script and I couldn’t stop laughing. I am going to have too much fun doing this show! You have been much more helpful than any other play company I have ever worked with. By the way- working in the Puppet Pals reference was brilliant and I can already see the Time Clock Life number in my head. Thanks again!"
-- Laura Comito, Artworks Studio, 507 N. Main St., Carroll, Iowa www.carrollarts.org

PEEVES the POLTERGEIST - Twisted vicious little house elf! You has messed with my miasma! Just kill me!"
DOBBY and WINKY - You're already dead!

~ Slipperzzzz! ~ Cobb and the Twelve Dancing Princesses ~ musical theater script
by Jeannette Jaquish
"Then send them to the blacksmith for iron shoes, because I QUIT!"
~ Girls and boys will love this action-packed fighting-dancing musical comedy romance (with no kissing)! -- Great for a Theater Dance School!
<--Click for Excerpts!
<--image by Morena Forza at www.morenaforza.com
<-- Poster with your theater name inserted, plus date, time, price, location etc.
COST: 1st performance: $30; -- additional performances: $15 each; or 1 year: $90.
TECH: Simple furniture, lighting, props, and sets. Tech notes & stage drawings.
LENGTH: About 70 minutes.
CAST: 24 to 43 actor-dancer-singers, with lots of fun Townfolk, Bandit, Servant, Underworld Prince and Villain characters.
See Excerpts! ~ * ~ ORDER a script! ~*~ "Video Clips"

CHRISTMAS SCRIPTS -- from easy to complex!
-- SNAFU in Santa's Workshop
-- A Christmas Carol
-- Elfin Antics in Santa's Workshop
-- When Santa's Away / Reindeer #3 is Squeaking
-- The 12 Days of Christmas - a Merry Parody
-- Miracle on Elf Street
-- Hansel and Gretel and the Falling Christmas Elves
-- Seeking Santa - A Saint Nicholas Day comedy


Pinocchio! ~ theater script with songs
<--Click for Excerpts!

adapted by Jeannette Jaquish from the classic by Carlo Collodi.
A naive wooden boy is tricked, trapped, turned into a donkey and swallowed by a sea monster because he would not listen to his father, Blue Fairies and Cricket Conscience. Happy ending.
COST: 1st performance: $40; -- addtl.: $20 each; or 1 year: $80.
LENGTH: Three versions: 45 min., 60 min., and 120 min.
CAST: 32, more or less with role sharing or multiple role playing. TECH: Simple-Medium-Complex depending on what you decide.
TROMBONI: Oh Pinocchio, you made me so much money today!
You are the Goose that laid the Golden Egg! You are my Cash Cow! You are my Gravy Train. You are making me rich, rich, rich!
PINOCCHIO: You are making me hungry hungry hungry. I’m going to go home now and eat dinner.
TROMBONI: Go home! Why of course, but first, I have a surprise for you. . . .


It's a GOOD Life, ~ theater script by Jerome Bixby
---"They were thinking about making a trap for me. That's why I made them catch on fire."
<-- CLICK on the omnipotent child for EXCERPTS and INFO

- a suspense-filled stageplay based on the award winning 1953 story by Jerome Bixby*, famous science fiction author
- adapted for “The Twilight Zone” by Rod Serling 1961
- produced by Stephen Spielberg in “Twilight Zone: The Movie”, 1983
- spoofed in “The Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror II”, 1991
- Science fiction theater adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
Read Excerpts!
*Among a long list of writings, Jerome Bixby wrote scripts for three Star Trek episodes, co-wrote the story that Fantastic Voyage was based upon, and dictated "The Man From Earth" on his deathbed to his son Emerson, in 1998. The Star Trek: Deep Space Nine- Mirror Universe Episode "The Emperor's New Cloak", 1999, was dedicated to Bixby's memory.


Collecting All the Species
"Curse that alien technology! What kind of dysfunctional, twisted science bypasses the speed of light – a perfectly reasonable limitation?"
a twist ending science fiction dark comedy by Jeannette Jaquish
<--Click for excerpts!
Order a Script!

: Three marooned bio-nauts on a hostile planet discover the new dictator of Earth and his smolderingly beautiful daughter will drop by for inspection in 4 hours. Versions rated PG or R for violence and a sexual situation.
COST: 1st performance: $25; additional: $10 each; or 1 year: $65.
CAST: 4 men, one mature commanding woman, one beautiful young woman, and 3 or 4 flexible males or females.
LENGTH: 45 minutes. 1 basic set plus a hill-platform and fake boulder and moons.

Teach children to speak up!
Dissolve the fear of public speaking by getting them onstage.
This world needs brave people who will not be quiet when truth needs to be said.
When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet. --
Lyle Myhr

TWO VERSIONS OF THE "FROG PRINCE" FAIRY TALE, in rhyming children's theater scripts:

Wartsalot! -- The Frog Prince and the Princess Brat
"Taste fangs of death, Scoundrel Frog!" -- Cupcake, the Princess's pet
<--Click for excerpts!
A fractured fairy tale children's theater script!
adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
VERSION #1: The Frog Prince and the Princess Brat
CAST: 6 to 14
depending on short, medium or long version.
LENGTH: 20, 50 or 75 minutes. 4, 5 or 7 scenes. Medium tech complexity.
COST: 1st performance: $25; additional: $10 each; or 1 year: $65. // Music Files: $23
-->Video clip! <--Click for Excerpts! Order a Script!
PRINCESS CONCEITA: A prince?? Not likely, talking like that. If you were ever a human you held out a beggar's hat."
FROG: "I teased a frail old woman, begging on the road. I kicked her cane to make her fall and Poof!--I was a toad."
o o o ~*~ o o o

VERSION #2: Simplified with More Actors in a Musical and NON-Musical version
The Frog Prince and the Princess Brats, JR <-- Click for Excerpts!
an easy children's fairy tale play by Jeannette Jaquish
The basic story with lots of funny lines for all characters. Narrators can prompt actors when they forget a line. And it RHYMES!!!
COST: $15 first performance, $5 additional, or $35/year.
---- $30 for Music Files for the Musical Version.

THREE LENGTHS: 20 to 25 minutes - THREE CAST SIZES: 14 to 22 actors, age 7 and up.
3 Princesses (so less crying after auditions), 3 or 4 Frog-puppets, a Queen, optional King, 1, 2 or 3 Narrators, 3, 4 or 5 Townsfolk, 3 or 4 Servants, and a Boy Prince.
"Your play was a hit, and ended the year on a very high note! All of the parents, students, and other teachers that saw it bragged on how good it was. Thanks so much!" - - - Donna Huff, Pittman Center Elementary, Gatlinburg, Tennessee
~ * ~ Click to ORDER A SCRIPT!


If you find BROKEN LINKS or problems with this website, or have a a question, please Contact Me! . . . . . . . . . .


Dr. Frankenstreudel's Lemon Fresh Laboratory of Horrors
"Sometimes I feel like saying, 'Fetch your own clotting factor!'" -- Misty, the sickly lab rat
<--Click for excerpts!

an absurd thriller science themed stageplay by Jeannette Jaquish
SUMMARY: Four squabbling urchins escape a mad doctor, a Julia Child / Frankenstein monster, a sickly lab rat and ravenous zombies. Educational, witty and absurd with lots of action. COST: 1st performance: $20; Additional: $10 each; or 1 year : $60. -- ORDER Me!

CAST: 2 boys, 2 girls, 4 or 7 adults or big kids
LENGTH: 55 minutes. 5 scenes. Medium tech complexity. At least a 3 1/2 foot high platform for graveyard scene.
QUOTES: "Those little wretches ruined my best spoons prying the bars of their cages!" -- Eyegore
"They may be mindless, flesh-eating zombies, but they are still your elders." -- Old Man Wellard -- Click for excerpts.


Auditioning a Ghost, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
"I need moonlight to be effective." -- the Jilted Bride Ghost
<--Click on images for first scene and excerpts!
(from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story, "Selecting a Ghost")

a ghostly thriller adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
Makes a great dinner theater mystery script!

Arthur Conan Doyle wrote this in his earlier years, before his Sherlock Holmes series eclipsed his other excellent works. It has an ingenious situation as a husband/father seeks to give his wife/daughter the haunting she wants by hiring a "fake" gypsy medium to put on a seance. What could go wrong? A stiff-upper-lipped English butler and plotting Cook enhance a devious plot with many unexpected twists. You receive two variations, one with Wife as lead, one with Daughter as lead, or a large cast version with Mother as lead.
Medium CAST: 13 to 22
LENGTH: 75min.
COST: 1st performance: $30; addtl: $10 each; 1 year: $70.

Larger CAST: 30.
LENGTH: 85 minutes, approximately.
COST: 1st performance: $50; addtl: $10 each; 1 year: $90.

TECH: Easy. Move furniture for set change. Ghostly lighting and fog.
Order Me!
QUOTES: "I'm ashamed to host even a tea party with no story to tell. A real castle should have a ghost." -- Gladys, spoiled daughter or wife.
"And I thought we plunked your inheritance in to this drafty old castle for the prestige of a wall-size fireplace over which to hang our mail order coat of arms. You should have told me you wanted a ghost. We could have bought an RV and parked it over a few plots in the cemetery." -- Monty, the father

Don't Look in the Lake
"... while the losers have to clean the portapotty with their pillowcases!"
another hilarous suspenseful kid/teen script by Jeannette Jaquish
Click on the campers for EXCERPTS.

A spooky, dangerous, absurd comedy of life at camp. Lousy food, mean counselors, dead possum art projects, electric fences and hoeing the tobacco fields. And just when the week is almost over, the campfire stories start coming true.
COST: $15 first performance, $5 additional, or $35/year. ORDER SCRIPT!
PROPS: 2 clipboards, bin of recyclables, fake campfire, 2 balloons, broom, mop, backpacks, suitcases. Table & 4 or 7 chairs.
TECH: Quick but simple set changes. Need lighting for night scene.
LENGTH: - Short version: 7 or 8 characters: about 20 minutes.
- Long version: 10 or 11 characters: about 24 minutes
- Less Scary Version: 11 characters: about 25 minutes
The kids LOVED the scripts!!" -------Diana Oswald, Event Coordinator www.OnceinaLifetimeEvents.biz


Advice for New Directors and Directing Children


You Don't Bring Me Dead Flowers Anymore
or Marriage Counseling? Over My Un-Dead Body!!!

<--Click on dead flowers for Excerpts!

a psychoanalysis spoof by Jeannette Jaquish
COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
Click for Excerpts. -- ORDER ME!
DESCRIPTION: Neither the therapist or the at-her-wits-end-wife realize that the husband's recent crude, grabby and drooling behavior is because he has been bitten on a camping trip and turned into a zombie.
I have seen audience members laugh until they cried as the husband flops and lurches around the stage trying to get his teeth on his wife's head, as the wife shoves him away using her chair and feet, and the therapist explaining everything as psychoanalytical mumbo-jumbo. Twist ending. One line optionally PG.
CAST: 2 couples and the therapist: male or female.
TECH NEEDS: 3 sturdy chairs, therapist can have a cheat sheet on a clipboard
LENGTH: a short play about 10 minutes
------ WIFE: Can we please talk about my husband's increasingly aggressive behavior? Like last week, when we were in K-mart, he tried to get my whole scalp in his mouth! I had to hit him with a can of paint.


Euthanasia Day at the Children's Shelter
by Linda Dunn, adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
"I have his notarized genetic design and birth title in my purse."
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES - disturbing situations
CAST: 11 to 25
SET: Home and yard. Lighting effects.
COST: $30 first show, $15 addtl., up to $90 for a year.
THEME: A disturbing possible future in which life extension technology and scarcity has brought society to sacrifice the rights of children. For teen or adult theaters.


Lost Hearts, by Montague Rhodes James (1862-1936)
"Don't the trees look like claws grabbing at the sky?"
a classic ghost story by a famous author adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
<--Click on spooky scene for Excerpts! - Order Me!
COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
Stephen, Mrs. Bunch, Mr. Parkes, Mr. Abney & child ghosts: Jevanny & Phoebe.
LENGTH: About 55 minutes.
TECH NEEDS: furniture re-arranging set changes, need a fake fireplace, chairs, table, desk, bed with bedding, and the ability to run fishing line through a pulley in the ceiling for ghostly special effects.
DESCRIPTION: A suspenseful ghost story by M.R. James, a respected author of the 1800's. In "Lost Hearts", an orphan, Stephen, is unexpectedly sent for by his elderly, rich, eccentric, elderly cousin who is unusually interested in his age, and is an expert on ancient religions' teachings on immortality. Stephen hears of two other orphans who disappeared leaving behind shoes or favorite toys. He is visited by child ghosts. As Mr. Abney arranges for Stephen to meet him secretly after hours on the vernal equinox, an evil plot is revealed. Clues. Happy ending.
STEPHEN It was the girl I saw in my dream. She was standing like this (arms crossed over heart) and a boy, very skinny; his hands were up like this. And ... he had a hole here, over his heart. He scared me.
MR ABNEY Ah, sad lost souls. They'll wander on and find a resting place somewhere else, I expect.
STEPHEN How do you suppose they died? How did the boy get the hole in his heart?
MR ABNEY No idea.
STEPHEN Aren't you going to tell me to not tell Mrs. Bunch?
CHRISTMAS SCRIPTS -- from easy to complex!
-- SNAFU in Santa's Workshop
-- A Christmas Carol
-- Elfin Antics in Santa's Workshop
-- When Santa's Away / Reindeer #3 is Squeaking
-- The 12 Days of Christmas - a Merry Parody
-- Miracle on Elf Street
-- Hansel and Gretel and the Falling Christmas Elves
-- Seeking Santa - A Saint Nicholas Day comedy


--Charlie Brown shows
--Alice in Wonderland costumes
--Wizard of Oz: Dorothy, Lion, Flying Monkey shirts
--Harry Potter: House Elf noses on glasses + ears
--All kinds of costumes for the shows you see here.
--If you have a costume need - Ask!

"Witches, Goblins, Ghosts and Ghoulies"
Song and sheet music. Free!
Halloween, Horror and Mystery Theater Scripts <--Click on gravestone!
The Beast of Ghastly Manor
The Shadow radio plays
Sorry, Wrong Number
Twilight Zone Scripts
Phantom of the Opera
and lots more!
(On the page you are on right now, "Don't Look in the Lake" & "Lost Hearts" & "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" & "Dr. Frankenstreudel" & "Auditioning a Ghost" are Halloween plays.)

Pippsi Longknickers
SIR HORACE: "You were rather impressive yourself, autographing each cookie with your thumbprint."
PROF. BANANA: (holding up thumbs) "If you’ve got ‘em, flaunt ‘em."
<--Click on Pippsi for excerpts and free Tea Party scene!

(inspired by Pippi Longstockings by Astrid Lindgren)

theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
(Freckled bombshell bullies bullies, gooses high society and does her part for intergalactic harmony.)
COST: $10 per performance; or 1 year : $40. Order Me!
Actors: 16 to 25, including 5 smaller and 5 larger
Length: 75 minutes or less (scenes may be cut). 7 scenes. Medium tech complexity but a lot of it.
FREE: Tea Party Scene
Quotes: "Spelling bee award? How nice! Now you can hold your head up high around the prettier girls." -- Mrs. Belittleton
"Once Grandma's servant stole her grand piano but she had no place to hide it so she dragged a carpet over it and told Grandma that the house's foundation was settling unevenly!" -- Pippsi

Use your costumes and props in parades!
~ * ~

Strange Time at the Science Fair<-- Click for Excerpts
a science themed sci-fi play script by Tom & Zephyr Jaquish
COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year. Order Me!
SUMMARY: The little science nerd says his invention can control time but while the judge stares skeptically at the unchanging pendulum the events transpiring behind them swing hilariously from high speed to slow motion. Using three real science fair projects and the time control project, you can present an educational, absurd and very very funny little show.
LENGTH: About 18 minutes.
CAST: 4 kids, 1 adult judge, 1 teen or adult photographer
PROPS: 3 real science fair projects, 1 fake project with all printed signs provided in the script- you paste them on a science fair board, pendulum, some kind of device to be the time controller, a tone or audio FX generator - even a toy keyboard with sound effects will work, card tables for the projects. Award ribbons or trophies.
TECH: A device that generates a high and low tone.
(NICK is demonstrating his Time Control device to Dr. Bergers. The other kids and the photographer are behind them.)
DR BERGERS - Nothing happened. The period of the pendulum swing remained constant.
NICK - Hmmm. I'll turn it to slow motion.
DR BERGERS - OK, let me get a fix here. (Starts pendulum, looks at watch.) OK, go!
NICK - We start at normal speed (dial tone down) Now it's slow.
(Kids & Photographer in the background SLOW DOWN.)
PENELOPE - Looook ! it's Albeert Einsteiiiin....
(all start slowly running to side front corner of audience)
DENTIN - Myyyy Heerooo!
WALLY - Hey Einstein???? Caaaan I haaaave youuur Autoooograaaph?
(They crash into each other at edge of stage as first one stops unexpectedly. Big Pileup. Get up. Head back.)
DENTIN - Oh, noooo. It was just the jaaaanitor.
PENELOPE - Well, he loooked like Albert Eiiiinsteiiiin...
NICK - And back to normal speed. (tone to normal)
(Background people up to NORMAL SPEED.)
DR BERGERS - I didn't see any change. It was the same both times.
More excerpts.


Snow White and the Eco-Disaster Dwarves
a funny fairytale with an environmental message, by Jeannette Jaquish

Click on Apple for Free Script!-->

CAST: 4, Snow White and Three Odd Dwarves
LENGTH: About 5 minutes.
PRICE: FREE if you tell the playwright.
A catchy easy to learn short play about abusing the forest. For all ages to watch. Actors age 7 on up.
DIGGER - I'm Digger.
DUMPER - I'm Dumper.
CHOPPER - I'm Chopper Downer.
SNOW WHITE - Those are funny names. I thought you'd be named Bashful or Happy or Sneezy.
DIGGER - Oh, they moved out long ago.
DUMPER - Yeah, when the forest was still green.
CHOPPER - They left some nice furniture.


Little Red Riding Hood and the Bad Idea Shortcut
as a Musical and a Non-Musical
folktale adapted by Jeannette Jaquish

<--Image by Gustave Dore' (1832 - 1883)
<--Click on Wolf and Red for EXCERPTS & DETAILS!
LENGTH: Non-musical= 18 minutes; Musical= 23 minutes.
PRICE: Non-Musical= $10 first performance, $3 additional, $25 for 1 year.
PRICE: Musical= $15 first performance, $3 additional, $28 for 1 year.

- Need a bed stage prop. One Set.
COSTUMES: Page of links.
Not only does the Wolf get a surprise from Little Red, so does the Narrator and the Woodsman!
Many absurd moments bring new life to an old favorite.
Lines are easy, catchy and funny. The Narrator's lines remind the actors of their lines, and Narrator ad libbing can rescue when a line is forgotten.
Photo Cast: Narrator-Allison, Wolf-James, Little Red-Autumn, Mother-Julia, Woodsman-Laramie, Grandmother-Haley.


Who Framed Lucky the Leprechaun?<--Click for excerpts!

an absurd mystery script by Jeannette Jaquish
A Great St. Patrick's Day Theater Script!
An absurd, action-packed, edgy script perfect for experimental theater or teenage casts, plus a few little kids to be leprechauns!.

COST: $10 per performance; or 1 year: $40. Order Me!
CAST 9 to 28 actors. Need 3 to 7 kids and at least 6 to 21 teens or adults.
LENGTH: about 55 minutes.
TECH: Easy-medium. Alternates scenes onstage and in front of closed curtain or in the audience to cover set changes. No special lighting.
COSTUMES & PROPS: 1 big and 3 small leprechaun costumes. A cop and detective. Toy machine guns. Lucky Charm and Trix cereal boxes. A working vacuum cleaner. Two Camcorders, working or not.
<--POSTER ART by Zephyr Jaquish
EDGY MYSTERY: This show has lots of hilarious characters, action, and ridiculous situations around a logical mystery which is revealed in the climactic ending.
The script is slightly PG with bits about test tube birth, a misunderstanding about a girl named Trixie, a leprechaun trying but failing to get drunk on Strawberry Quik, a cop wanting to do a "search", and speculation about a Leprechaun using lots of clover, but it is all ridiculous, and little kids won't understand those parts anyway. This a great show for mixed ages.
LUCKY: Ralph! Ralph, me boy! Show some charity to the wee ones. Hello me little lads and lassie. You're a fine lookin' bunch. And sure you'll be wantin' an autograph to show your friends back home?
KID 2 - Look, Look who it is!
KID 3 - It's Lucky. It's Lucky! He's old! And HUGE! (EXIT screaming)
Later... DIRECTOR - I'm sorry you found out this way, Lucky. The Big Guy, he thinks you're getting a bit old for this role, I mean how old are you? 300?
LUCKY - I'm just 298!
DIRECTOR - And it appears you've had a growth spurt lately. We just can't get actors any bigger to play the children without borrowing from the NBA or Ripley's Believe it or Not.
More Excerpts!

3 Delightful Children's Scripts
by Scott Rousseau
A Duck's Tale
by Scott Rousseau

<--Click on the Duck for Excerpts
"But Mom! I wanted the new medieval Barbie!" -- Snow White

Arcadia, the Ugly Duckling, bungles through many other fairy tales meeting Witches, Snow White, The Cheshire Cat, and even the police, causing mayhem and hilarity. Lots of fun character parts.

COST: $20 first performance, $10 each additional. $60 for one year.
CAST: 7 or more actors: 3 male, 3 female, age 12 thru adult. Experienced to do multiple roles with simple quick costume changes
TECH: Simple Set and props, Lighting changes, No music
LENGTH: About 45 minutes.


A Campfire Tale
a puppet folktale by Scott Rousseau

CAST: 2 to 5: 1 to 4 puppeteers & 1 actor/backstage tech
LENGTH: About 12 minutes.
PRICE: $5 for 1 year.
- A simple single set. Last actor is backstage tech.


a hillbilly comedy by Scott Rousseau

CAST: 12
LENGTH: About 22 minutes.
PRICE: $10 for 1st show, $5 each additional, $35 for one year.
TECH: Flexible


Photos from 2005

US Debt Clock -- Poor kid. His share of the National Debt has increased since then to $58,319 per person, or $157,184 per taxpayer.
Use your costumes for street theater and parades!

<-- Click to see List of Scenes for All Three Books!
In 3 age groups: ~ Age 6 to 8 .~*~. Age 8 to 13 .~*~. Age 13 and older ~
Kids love to read scenes and put on little performances. Great for teachers, camp leaders and home schoolers!
<--Click on image to get the PDF files FREE. No charge for the download, copying, distributing or performing!
Or ORDER for Christmas or Birthday!
A Talking Frogs CD Collection makes a GREAT Gift!!
For teachers, activity leaders, scoutmasters, homeschoolers and parents.

ORDER All 3 "Talking Frogs" Scene Books on pdf files on one CD ready to print out.
PRICE: $10 each CD in a case; add $3 for gift-wrapped with a note.
POSTAGE to the US included and mailed by next day.

SECTION B: FREE SCRIPTS if you notify the author Email:

How to Contact the Author


Donate Any Amount
to Jeannette Jaquish's free scripts:


Starting a Theater?

Use FuNAnTiCS FREE tHeATeR SCRiPtS to earn money and get attention!
Then you can afford to buy the Low Priced Scripts for even bigger audiences!
Author: Jeannette Jaquish: "I grant permission to perform my Free plays IF I am notified and the author and this website (www.theaterfunscripts.com) are listed in the printed program or are announced or displayed at the show."
You may charge admission. (Please do, in fact, then you can buy my not-free scripts.)
If you perform any of my plays with this requirement without notifying me, you owe me triple royalties plus collection co$t$ such as travel and attorney fees, etc!

So just notify and enjoy! Easy Rules for Using Free and Not-Free Scripts.


Fairy Tales on the Mars Frontier <--Click here!
Real science theater script by Jeannette Jaquish
(Fairy tales evolve as pioneer parents on Mars teach values and survival to their kids.)
Uses real scientific data about how humans will terra-form and colonize Mars!
Actors: 11 to 35 Actors can play multiple parts.
Length: 35 minutes.
3 small scenes within one long scene. Medium tech complexity.
Cost: FREE
if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Using Free and Not-Free Scripts. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.
"Is your dome strong? Mine blew in!"
"My dome sits low below the crater. Aluminum cover like a baked potater." -- Pigs 1 & 2

"Can you stop this purple plague?" / "Stand back and be amazed!"
"I don't know about this piper." / "She is weird." / "And very hyper." -- Townspeople and The Pied Piper
"This is the dome, resistant to shock, Built by the man who crushed the rock,
That lay on the surface of Red Mars." -- Rock Song


The Spoiled Baloney Man <--Click here!
(That cycle of life and death really stinks.)
a fractured fairy tale by Jeannette Jaquish
based on The Stinky Cheese Man - but better!
8 or 12
-------- 8 = 3 puppets or actors + 5 actors
--------12 = 3 puppets or actors + 9 actors
LENGTH: 25 minutes. 1 scene. Simple-medium tech complexity
if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. See easy details. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.
QUOTE: "Not a pretty picture, or smell, when BALONEY GOES BAD! Raised by bacteria in a cold microwave oven. Would love, color and stimulation in its childhood have made a difference?" -- Frog

If Shakespeare had Written the Theory of Relativity <--Click for script!
Shakespeare's classic lines adapted into a swashbuckling debate on relativity.
an educated farce by Thomas Jaquish

CAST: Prince Albert, Zhugaid, Arshay, and two gossipy chambermaids.
PROPS & FURNITURE: Period costumes or something close, two champagne glasses, two knives or swords for a mock battle.
LENGTH: About 25 minutes.
Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

Kiss the Brown Bunny<--Click here!
an actors & puppets script
by Jeannette Jaquish

(The flirty Cockroach bets grumpy Spike the dog that three people will kiss her in three minutes.)
<-- shown here: Folkmanis cockroach puppet.
ACTORS: 2 puppets, 3 actors
You may RENT THE PUPPETS from the author.
Length: 8 minutes. 1 scene. Very simple tech complexity.
PUPPETS:Acquiring Folkmanis cockroach puppet and Percy the Dog (from Pocohontas) is tricky. Rent them from the author. Details on script page.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement.
Easy Rules for Free Scripts.
"Cockroach: Even cockroaches have feelings and mine are hurting... Snuggle???
Spike the Dog: Get away from me you filthy insect! Go snuggle in a garbage disposal!"

The Monkey's Paw, by W. W. Jacobs <-- Click for script!
adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
The classic story of wishes gone bad..
Cast: Old man, old woman, grown son or daughter, Sergeant-Major Morris, Visitor from Maw & Meggins.
Length: 18 minutes.
Tech: 4 scenes. Simple set and costumes. Some quick but simple set changes.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.


There is a Fly in my Soup! / Hay Una Mosca in Mi Sopa!" <--Click here!
a Spanish & English script by Jeannette Jaquish
Cost: FREE

Scripts alternate Spanish with English so a person speaking either language can understand, and also learn the other language.
FATHER: Waiter! You have your thumb in my soup!!!
WAITER: (wiping thumb on napkin) Me fama? Gracias, Senor, pero las sopa no es caliente. (Exits)
FATHER: Thank you but it's not hot! I don't believe it! His dirty thumb was in my soup!
SON: Esta limpia, ahora.
FATHER: Ewwww! You eat. I'm not hungry now.
SON: (spits out first taste) Bleccchh!!
FATHER: Que pasa?
SON: There is a fly in this soup!
FATHER: Una mosca en tu sopa!!! Terrible!!
WAITER (Returns, placing bill on the table): La cuenta.
WAITER: Fly in your soup??? Is that a problem? Are you a vegetarian?!


Hansel & Gretel and the Creepy Woods <--Click here!
FREE script by Jeannette Jaquish
-- Our most popular script! --
In a variety of cast sizes, lengths and languages!
Simple set and fun lines for every actor!

- French
- Norwegian
- Bi-Lingual Turkish-English
- and Bi-Lingual Any Language & English with your help. (Class project?)
MORAL: Don't let your kids drive you CraaAAAzy!
CAST: 11 to 30 actors. LENGTH: 15 TO 30 minutes long.

-- LITTLE ORPHANT ANNIE <--Click for script
by James Whitcomb Riley
adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

FREE - print it off from this website!
Get permission to perform just by notifying the author by email.
MORAL: Get kids to behave by scaring the geewhilikers out of them.
CAST: 7 children, 3 or 5 older actors.
--This is the folk poem about boogeymen, NOT Annie singing "Tomorrow! Tomorrow!" with Daddy Warbucks!
<--Image from http://www.cs4fn.org/vision/usingthedarkside.php


CHILD 1: And little Orphan Annie says, when the blaze is blue, And the lamp wick sputters, and the wind goes woo-oo!

CHILD 2: And you hear the crickets quit, and the moon is gray, And the lightning bugs in dew are all squenched away –

CHILD 3: You better mind your parents, and your teachers fond and dear, And cherish those who love you, and dry the orphan’s tear,

CHILD 4: And help the poor and needy ones who cluster all about,
Or the Gobble-ins will get you
CHILDREN: If You Don’t Watch Out!

Easy Rules for Free Scripts.


THE WAY I REMEMBER IT <--Click for script,
a fun kids play by Jeannette Jaquish
FREE - print it off from this website!

Get permission to perform just by notifying the author by email.
MORAL: Being mean makes more meanness.
CAST: 6 or more boys and 6 or more girls, 2 more kids, an older man and woman, and maybe a mom, an optional chorus of kids, plus 1 or 2 prop assistants.
SUMMARY: Little Jamie gets Grandma and Grandpa to tell the story of how they met as children, with two very different and funny perspectives.
Image of Calvin and Suzie by Bill Waterson         Birthday Cake scene -Katanning Dramatic Society, Inc, Australia
   Easy Rules for Free Scripts.


Free Tea Party scene in Pippsi Longknickers
CAST: Pippsi, Cody, Cheyenne, Monkey, Horse, Lots of Society Ladies, Cody & Cheyenne's Mother



Are You Smarter Than a 4-H'er? (or Insert your Organization Here!)
A FREE 4H contest skit script to adapt to your organization.
CAST: 7 to 11 kids.
LENGTH: About 12 minutes.
TECH: Easy: desks, podiums (made of boxes), a flip chart.
SUMMARY A parody of the popular game show with JiffyPop Foxwabbit, Helping Hand Students, Demonstrators and Question Flippers, and a Suspicious Contestant. Can be used in 4H drama or video projects or adapted for other groups.


Short Skits & Easy Plays for Kids <--Click for skits!
comedy skits & scripts by Jeannette Jaquish
with links to those by other authors.
Cost: FREE.
Skits for 2 or more actors. 30 seconds to 10 minutes. From Easy to Medium difficulty
The Way I Remember it
Nutty Nursery Rhymes
Flight of the Vultures
Hansel & Gretel -- Kindergarten Level - Very Fun!
Dino Puppet Jokes
Cereal Killer
Before Eve met Adam
Restaurant skit
Muppet Veterinarian's Hospital
Knock-Knock Jokes - Scout Skits - Joke Skits
Funny Songs to Perform <--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
with links to songs by other authors.
Some Titles:
Your Mama Don't Wear No Socks
The Hilarious Intermission Song:

"Sodas full of caffeine; Your heart pounds like a freight train,
Let's go to the lobby and have little snack..."
Gilbert and Sullivan Spoof Songs . . . and more!


HUNDREDS of FREE Scripts, Radio Plays, TV scripts, Puppet Plays and Songs by OTHER AUTHORS <--Click here!
Many links to scripts by other authors DO NOT have a link back to this page!
So ADD www.TheaterFunScripts.com to your FAVORITES!

Monty Python
Saturday Night Live sketches
Abbott & Costello
Muppets' Veterinarian Skits, and other Puppet Plays
Parody Songs
Readers Theater scripts of Folk Tales and Historical Fiction - Read or Act!
Huge Cast School Musicals, Simple or Complex
and GOBS more good scripts!


Harry Potter Plottings

Half-Blood Prince Book Review by Jeannette Jaquish ~*~ Goblet of Fire Movie Review by Jeannette Jaquish

A Muggle's Snide Observation
by Jeannette Jaquish

Harry Potter is magical soap opera,
Hormonal teens spouting abracadabra;
But magic makes it too easy,
And Rowling would certainly get queasy,
Composing a duel 'twixt a shotgun and avada kedavra;


These are misspellings of my name: Jeanette, Janette, Jenette, Jeannete, Jannete, Jennete, Janet, Janett, Jennette, Jannette Jaquish Janquish.

You can PHONE ME at the number on this page.

Sick of those smarmy Christmas Letters?
Photos of my Tucson, Arizona Red Barn beginnings.
The Red Barn in Tucson, Arizona website.

How to Contact the Author


This website (c) Jeannette Jaquish 1999-2018
~ * ~ Click to ORDER A SCRIPT!

Donate Any Amount
to Jeannette Jaquish's free scripts:



Ecstatic Theatrics in Fort Wayne, IN
Firehouse Theater in Fort Wayne, IN
Shoestring Theater of Fort Wayne, Indiana
Build a Puppet Theater or order for $. Dismantles easily! By Gene Powell.
Dad's Home School - Science & Math Explained
Horse Costume Instructions
JOKES to tell or act out.
Guinea Pig Skin Disease! Use Bag Balm or Vaseline to cure itchy, dandruffy, mange caused by mites.
Hoosier Outer Space Settlers (HOSS)
Bed-wetting is NOT caused by Laziness! Cure urinary tract infections with cranberry.
Stuttering: A Simple Semi-Cure: Take a Breath
Funny Fillers to put in theater printed program or on bulletin boards
Rejects from the NPR 3 minute fiction contest
Theater Exercise/Game: Emotional Rollercoaster
Raven Radio and Readers Theater Scripts with tech on sound FX & downloadable scripts.

Email: funantics.scripts@yahoo.com